How You Can Help Yourself
What should you do if you are suffering from any type of abuse? If you can't love someone without feeling afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship — fast. You're worth being treated with respect and you can get help.
First, make sure you're safe. A trusted adult can help you. If the person has physically attacked you, don't wait to get medical attention or to call the police. Assault is illegal, and so is rape — even if it's done by someone you are dating.
Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is when you need support most. People like counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends will want to help you, so let them.
Don't rely on yourself alone to get out of the situation; the people who love and care about you can help you break away. It's important to know that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness — it actually shows that you have a lot of courage and are willing to stand up for yourself.
Where to Get Help
Child Pornography Tipline 1-800-843-5678
ChildhelpUSA Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD 1-800-422-4453
Foundation 2 319-362-2174
Iowa Concern Hotline 1-800-447-1985
Iowa Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-942-0333
Iowa Drug and Alcohol Helpline 1-866-242-4111
Iowa Sexual Abuse Hotline 1-800-284-7821
Iowa Statewide Poison Control Center 1-800-222-1222
Iowa Suicide and Crisis Hotlines
Iowa Teen Line 1-800-443-8336
Johnson County Crisis Center 319-351-0140
National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE 1-800-787-3224 TDD
MY SECRET LIFE - ABUSE Part 2
Signs That You Are Being Abused
Important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship include when someone:
- harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching
- tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say
- frequently humiliates you or making you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you)
- coerces or threatens to harm you if you leave the relationship
- twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions
- demands to know where you are at all times
- constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends
- Any type of unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. Phrases like "If you loved me, you would . . . " also should warn you of possible abuse. A statement like this is emotional blackmail used by people concerned about getting what they want. Trust your intuition. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't
Signs That a Friend Is Being Abused
In addition to the signs listed above, here are some signs of abuse to look for in a friend:
- unexplained bruises, broken bones, sprains, or marks
- excessive guilt or shame for no apparent reason
- secrecy or withdrawal from friends and family
- avoidance of school or social events with excuses that don't seem to make any sense
A person who is being abused needs someone to hear and believe him or her. Maybe your friend is afraid to tell a parent because that will bring pressure to make him or her end the relationship. People who are abused often feel like it's their fault — that they "asked for it" or that they don't deserve any better. But abuse is never deserved. You need to help your friend understand that it is not his or her fault. Your friend is not a bad person. The person who is being abusive is at fault and needs professional help.
A friend who is being abused needs your patience, love, and understanding. Your friend also needs your encouragement to get help immediately from an adult, such as a parent or guidance counselor. Most of all, your friend needs you to listen to him or her without judging. It takes a lot of courage to admit being abused; let your friend know that you're offering your full support.
MY SECRET LIFE - ABUSE Part 1
Abuse in families can take many forms. It may be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, or a combination of any or all of those. Everyone has heard the songs about how much love can hurt. But that doesn't mean physical harm: Someone who loves you should never abuse you. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person.
Abuse can sometimes be mistaken for intense feelings of caring or concern. Sometimes abuse can even seem flattering; think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous. Maybe you've thought your friend's partner really cares about him or her. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship.
Physical abuse is often the most obvious form of abuse. It may be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, whipping, paddling, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or produce significant physical pain. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in romances, families and friendships.
Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and child or between a significantly older child and a younger child. If a person is abused by a member of his or her immediate family, this is called incest. It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want. This type of abuse can happen to anyone, anytime
Emotional abuse can be difficult to pin down because there are no physical signs to look for. Sure, people yell at each other, express anger, and call each other names sometimes, and expressing anger can sometimes be healthy. But emotional abuse generally occurs when the yelling and anger go too far or when a parent constantly belittles, threatens, or dismisses a child until the child's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. And just like physical abuse can cause physical scars, emotional abuse can bring about emotional damage.
Emotional abuse, like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others, can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too
Neglect is probably the hardest type of abuse to define. Neglect occurs when a child doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. But it's not neglect if a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone.
Bullying is a form of abusive behavior that may happen in a peer group - among people of any age. Bullying someone by intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others have often been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is still no excuse for abusing someone else.
Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation.
Abuse can sometimes be mistaken for intense feelings of caring or concern. Sometimes abuse can even seem flattering; think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous. Maybe you've thought your friend's partner really cares about him or her. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship.
Physical abuse is often the most obvious form of abuse. It may be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, whipping, paddling, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or produce significant physical pain. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in romances, families and friendships.
Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and child or between a significantly older child and a younger child. If a person is abused by a member of his or her immediate family, this is called incest. It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want. This type of abuse can happen to anyone, anytime
Emotional abuse can be difficult to pin down because there are no physical signs to look for. Sure, people yell at each other, express anger, and call each other names sometimes, and expressing anger can sometimes be healthy. But emotional abuse generally occurs when the yelling and anger go too far or when a parent constantly belittles, threatens, or dismisses a child until the child's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. And just like physical abuse can cause physical scars, emotional abuse can bring about emotional damage.
Emotional abuse, like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others, can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too
Neglect is probably the hardest type of abuse to define. Neglect occurs when a child doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. But it's not neglect if a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone.
Bullying is a form of abusive behavior that may happen in a peer group - among people of any age. Bullying someone by intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others have often been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is still no excuse for abusing someone else.
Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation.
ICE SKATING IN AMES
Hi everyone,
don't forget that next Saturday, March 1o we are heading to Ames Ice Arena in order to participate in their Afternoon Skate.
COST: $7 per student (includes skates and admission) + $$ for supper at fast food restaurant.
We will leave WCCOC at 1pm and will be back in time to be picked up at 5:45pm.
any questions you can contact Steve at 832-2683 or wccocyouth@wmtel.net.
Later eh!
Steve
don't forget that next Saturday, March 1o we are heading to Ames Ice Arena in order to participate in their Afternoon Skate.
COST: $7 per student (includes skates and admission) + $$ for supper at fast food restaurant.
We will leave WCCOC at 1pm and will be back in time to be picked up at 5:45pm.
any questions you can contact Steve at 832-2683 or wccocyouth@wmtel.net.
Later eh!
Steve
MY SECRET LIFE - SUICIDE Part 4
FINAL THOUGHTS
If you are dealing with thoughts we talked about earlier, like “I wish I were dead” or "There is no other way." If this you then I want to share some final thoughts with you. If that is not you then I want to give you some advice to share with your friends so you can be prepared if this situation arises in your world.
STEPS TO OVERCOME SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
1) Tell somebody…it is series always…not to be taken lightly
Someone to counsel who is responsible adult
2) Be with people,…don’t go solo, and isolate yourself
3) Sing – make music…it lightens our soul, In fact, Saul had David come in and lift his soul as he struggled
4) spend time praising and thanking God…why, so you can focus on the positive, the hope that you have and great things that are going on
5) Lean heavily on the promises of the word of God
6) Rest in the presence of God’s Spirit (Psalm 42:5)
HOTLINES AND HELP LINES
Family Help in Iowa 410-341-4216
Bets-Off Gambling Hotline 1-800-238-7633
Child Pornography Tipline 1-800-843-5678
ChildhelpUSA 1-800-422-4453
Child Abuse Hotline
Foundation 2 319-362-2174
Iowa AIDS Hotline 1-800-445-2437
Iowa Concern Hotline 1-800-447-1985
Iowa Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-942-0333
Iowa Drug and Alcohol Helpline 1-866-242-4111
Iowa Sexual Abuse Hotline 1-800-284-7821
Iowa Statewide Poison Control Center 1-800-222-1222
Iowa Suicide and Crisis Hotlines
Iowa Teen Line 1-800-443-8336
Johnson County Crisis Center 319-351-0140
National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline1-800-799-SAFE1-800-787-3224 TDD
National Hotlines and Helplines
National Runaway Switchboard 1-800-786-2929
National Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network 1-800-656-HOPE
Report Child Abuse in Iowa 1-800-362-2178
Toll-Free Numbers for Health Information
Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-HIT-HOME
Youth Law Hotline 1-800-728-1172
Hope these help
Steve
If you are dealing with thoughts we talked about earlier, like “I wish I were dead” or "There is no other way." If this you then I want to share some final thoughts with you. If that is not you then I want to give you some advice to share with your friends so you can be prepared if this situation arises in your world.
STEPS TO OVERCOME SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
1) Tell somebody…it is series always…not to be taken lightly
Someone to counsel who is responsible adult
2) Be with people,…don’t go solo, and isolate yourself
3) Sing – make music…it lightens our soul, In fact, Saul had David come in and lift his soul as he struggled
4) spend time praising and thanking God…why, so you can focus on the positive, the hope that you have and great things that are going on
5) Lean heavily on the promises of the word of God
6) Rest in the presence of God’s Spirit (Psalm 42:5)
HOTLINES AND HELP LINES
Family Help in Iowa 410-341-4216
Bets-Off Gambling Hotline 1-800-238-7633
Child Pornography Tipline 1-800-843-5678
ChildhelpUSA 1-800-422-4453
Child Abuse Hotline
Foundation 2 319-362-2174
Iowa AIDS Hotline 1-800-445-2437
Iowa Concern Hotline 1-800-447-1985
Iowa Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-942-0333
Iowa Drug and Alcohol Helpline 1-866-242-4111
Iowa Sexual Abuse Hotline 1-800-284-7821
Iowa Statewide Poison Control Center 1-800-222-1222
Iowa Suicide and Crisis Hotlines
Iowa Teen Line 1-800-443-8336
Johnson County Crisis Center 319-351-0140
National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline1-800-799-SAFE1-800-787-3224 TDD
National Hotlines and Helplines
National Runaway Switchboard 1-800-786-2929
National Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network 1-800-656-HOPE
Report Child Abuse in Iowa 1-800-362-2178
Toll-Free Numbers for Health Information
Youth Crisis Hotline 1-800-HIT-HOME
Youth Law Hotline 1-800-728-1172
Hope these help
Steve
MY SECRET LIFE - SUICIDE Part 3
TRUTHS ABOUT SUICIDE
1) SUICIDE IS A DECEPTION OF THE DEVIL
Jn10:10 says, "the enemy will come to mame, kill and destroy, he doesn’t do it with a gun, but he goes after our mind"
Jn 8:44 says"Satan is murder and father of lies" The lie he tells is that in a desperate situation he says the only way out is death, there is no hope for you, you suck, it will never end so why not end it now.
2) SUICIDE IS THE ULTIMATE ACT OF SELFISHNESS
Leaves family with questions, bitterness and no resolution, no closure because it is such an non-understandable act.
3) SUICIDE IS SIN
1 Cor 6:19-20; Acts 17:25 say that God is the only one who can take away and give life…thou shall not murder includes self murder
4) SUICIDE IS NOT THE END
Satan lies, there is eternal life to follow death Hebrews 9:27
What people need to know is that there is always another side of desperate, despair, depression. You need to know that in life we can conquer the thought…THERE IS NO REASON WE SHOULD EVER CONSIDER OR DO SUICIDE. Abraham, Job, Elijah, David had depression, low points, surrounded by times of struggle and for them it was not an option. WHY?
WHY IS SUICIDE NOT AN OPTION?
1) Because God has an amazing great plan for your life. Genesis 1 says we are made in His Image…we have value, eternal significance. He created you with a specific plan and purpose and a promise - Jeremiah 29:11 - You will have hard times but you will do great things
2) God gives your life great value (Ps 139:13 – 16)
3) God’s plan is for life and not death…Rm 3:23. The result of our sin is physical and spiritual sin, but if we turn our heart to Christ, we can be forgiven and we will receive eternal life.
4) God wants us to have life…Jn 10:10
5) Our lives are eternal…everything is temporary except for our perfection in Christ 2 Cor. 4:8-9;16-18. We will go through rough times, desperate times but when Christ is involved it will always get better. There is a place that is free of all the struggles, and filled with hope, etc.
Steve
1) SUICIDE IS A DECEPTION OF THE DEVIL
Jn10:10 says, "the enemy will come to mame, kill and destroy, he doesn’t do it with a gun, but he goes after our mind"
Jn 8:44 says"Satan is murder and father of lies" The lie he tells is that in a desperate situation he says the only way out is death, there is no hope for you, you suck, it will never end so why not end it now.
2) SUICIDE IS THE ULTIMATE ACT OF SELFISHNESS
Leaves family with questions, bitterness and no resolution, no closure because it is such an non-understandable act.
3) SUICIDE IS SIN
1 Cor 6:19-20; Acts 17:25 say that God is the only one who can take away and give life…thou shall not murder includes self murder
4) SUICIDE IS NOT THE END
Satan lies, there is eternal life to follow death Hebrews 9:27
What people need to know is that there is always another side of desperate, despair, depression. You need to know that in life we can conquer the thought…THERE IS NO REASON WE SHOULD EVER CONSIDER OR DO SUICIDE. Abraham, Job, Elijah, David had depression, low points, surrounded by times of struggle and for them it was not an option. WHY?
WHY IS SUICIDE NOT AN OPTION?
1) Because God has an amazing great plan for your life. Genesis 1 says we are made in His Image…we have value, eternal significance. He created you with a specific plan and purpose and a promise - Jeremiah 29:11 - You will have hard times but you will do great things
2) God gives your life great value (Ps 139:13 – 16)
3) God’s plan is for life and not death…Rm 3:23. The result of our sin is physical and spiritual sin, but if we turn our heart to Christ, we can be forgiven and we will receive eternal life.
4) God wants us to have life…Jn 10:10
5) Our lives are eternal…everything is temporary except for our perfection in Christ 2 Cor. 4:8-9;16-18. We will go through rough times, desperate times but when Christ is involved it will always get better. There is a place that is free of all the struggles, and filled with hope, etc.
Steve
MY SECRET LIFE - SUICIDE Part 2
I know this topic as well as the other’s in coming weeks, might not be everyone’s struggle, it might not effect you personally, it may even make you very uncomfortable, but I do guarantee you that several of you will have friends, families, coworkers whoever that will struggle with one of these topics and you need to know how to help them, how to respond, how to be involved in a positive manner. The worst thing we can do is think the issues don’t exist, are weird or uncommon…these are real, they are common and they don’t go away when ignored.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
It is the insane reasoning that ending your own life that a situation will be resolved and will make things better.
Suicide is not new it is as old as time, but what are the
REASONS PEOPLE CONSIDER/ATTEMPT SUICIDE
1. To Escape the Pain of life, "Suicide occurs when there appears to be no available path that will lead to a tolerable existence." R.S. Taylor
2. An unconscious or conscious cry for help. (Elijah & Job)
3. An opportunity for revenge (Samson)
4. A manipulative gesture designed to influence some person who is emotionally close.
5. Quicken an inevitable death (King Saul)
6. To punish themselves for wrong done (Judas)
7. To Follow loved one- (Saul’s Armor Bearer)
8. Demonic suggestion and oppression doubtless are significant factors in some (maybe all*) cases.
9. Depression/despair overall life circumstances
‘The number 1 cause of suicide is “UNTREATED DEPRESSION.” For the most part people who are depressed have already thought about suicide and they need to talk about it.
40% of all suicides are an impulse, spur of the moment incredibly stupid, selfish act, all because people wouldn’t take time to talk God or someone who cares.
These are real reasons people make the unreal decision to commit the ultimate act of escape. Please be watching your friends and family to see if they have any of the signs listed above.
Steve
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
It is the insane reasoning that ending your own life that a situation will be resolved and will make things better.
Suicide is not new it is as old as time, but what are the
REASONS PEOPLE CONSIDER/ATTEMPT SUICIDE
1. To Escape the Pain of life, "Suicide occurs when there appears to be no available path that will lead to a tolerable existence." R.S. Taylor
2. An unconscious or conscious cry for help. (Elijah & Job)
3. An opportunity for revenge (Samson)
4. A manipulative gesture designed to influence some person who is emotionally close.
5. Quicken an inevitable death (King Saul)
6. To punish themselves for wrong done (Judas)
7. To Follow loved one- (Saul’s Armor Bearer)
8. Demonic suggestion and oppression doubtless are significant factors in some (maybe all*) cases.
9. Depression/despair overall life circumstances
‘The number 1 cause of suicide is “UNTREATED DEPRESSION.” For the most part people who are depressed have already thought about suicide and they need to talk about it.
40% of all suicides are an impulse, spur of the moment incredibly stupid, selfish act, all because people wouldn’t take time to talk God or someone who cares.
These are real reasons people make the unreal decision to commit the ultimate act of escape. Please be watching your friends and family to see if they have any of the signs listed above.
Steve
MY SECRET LIFE - SUICIDE Part 1
I don’t think there is anything in this life more heartbreaking than suicide. It affects much more than the one life lost. The family, friends, acquaintances, community and generations to come are affected by the choice to die of one solitary person. Many of us may have at least thought of it personally at some low point in our life. Even though they didn’t attempt suicide the spiritual giants of the Bible Elijah and Job begged God for death in their darkest hours. So what about today? How real is the threat of suicide in America and our teens today?
FACTS ABOUT SUICIDE IN THE USA
- 500,000 Americans attempt but survive suicide attempts per year.
- More than 30,000 reported annually (83 per day, 1 every 17 minutes)*
- Suicide is the 8th leading cause of death; But 3rd among Youth (15-24).
- In recent survey 60% of teens thought about it, and 9% had tried at least once.
- Persons under 25 accounted for 15% of all suicides in 2000. (From the 1950’s to the late 70’s the suicide rate increased by 200%.)
- Psychological autopsy studies show that more than 90% of completed suicides had one or more mental disorders.
- More people die from suicide than from homicide. (In 2000 1.7 times more).
- 4 males commit suicide to every 1 female suicide even though females have more recorded attempts…(Why? Women use less lethal means.)
- Most attempts are from women in their 20’s and 30’s.
- Suicide rates are highest among the divorced, separated, and widowed and lowest among the married.
- 4,135 youth commit suicide every year
I hope you can begin to see the seriouosness of the suicide in America. Look for posts to follow with more info and helps for suicide later on.
Steve
FACTS ABOUT SUICIDE IN THE USA
- 500,000 Americans attempt but survive suicide attempts per year.
- More than 30,000 reported annually (83 per day, 1 every 17 minutes)*
- Suicide is the 8th leading cause of death; But 3rd among Youth (15-24).
- In recent survey 60% of teens thought about it, and 9% had tried at least once.
- Persons under 25 accounted for 15% of all suicides in 2000. (From the 1950’s to the late 70’s the suicide rate increased by 200%.)
- Psychological autopsy studies show that more than 90% of completed suicides had one or more mental disorders.
- More people die from suicide than from homicide. (In 2000 1.7 times more).
- 4 males commit suicide to every 1 female suicide even though females have more recorded attempts…(Why? Women use less lethal means.)
- Most attempts are from women in their 20’s and 30’s.
- Suicide rates are highest among the divorced, separated, and widowed and lowest among the married.
- 4,135 youth commit suicide every year
I hope you can begin to see the seriouosness of the suicide in America. Look for posts to follow with more info and helps for suicide later on.
Steve
MY SECRET LIFE
As I mentioned in my caller article last week, I will begin making available notes, stats and helps from our High School "My Secret Life" teaching series on Wednesday nights. I know the topics that we cover can be difficult to talk about or even understand. Therefore we want make as many resources available as possible to both students and parents. Our prayer is that you will take advantage of the notes to inform yourself, the helps to deal with the issues and above all find someone in whom you can trust, talk with and begin dealing with issues in your life. Both Ray and I are always available at the office as well as student ministry leaders and elders of our church.
Be watching later this week for our first recap online - SUICIDE
Also, I recommended that if you are interested in getting an in depth, graphic and real look into the world of students today, that you should rent the movie "Thirteen" REMINDER - This movie is rated R for: Drug use, self destructive violence, language and sexuality - all involving young teens - VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
Later Eh!
Steve
Be watching later this week for our first recap online - SUICIDE
Also, I recommended that if you are interested in getting an in depth, graphic and real look into the world of students today, that you should rent the movie "Thirteen" REMINDER - This movie is rated R for: Drug use, self destructive violence, language and sexuality - all involving young teens - VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
Later Eh!
Steve
Waterloo Blackhawks Hockey Game
FRIDAY, March 3, 2007 Grades 5 - 12
Leave WCCOC @ 5pm Cost is $10/person & Spending $$$
RSVP your ticket by giving Steve your $10 by WED. FEB. 21
Questions? Contact Steve wccocyouth@wmtel.net or 515-832-2683
Leave WCCOC @ 5pm Cost is $10/person & Spending $$$
RSVP your ticket by giving Steve your $10 by WED. FEB. 21
Questions? Contact Steve wccocyouth@wmtel.net or 515-832-2683
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