How You Can Help Yourself
What should you do if you are suffering from any type of abuse? If you can't love someone without feeling afraid, it's time to get out of the relationship — fast. You're worth being treated with respect and you can get help.
First, make sure you're safe. A trusted adult can help you. If the person has physically attacked you, don't wait to get medical attention or to call the police. Assault is illegal, and so is rape — even if it's done by someone you are dating.
Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself from your friends and family. You might feel like you have nowhere to turn, or you might be embarrassed about what's been going on, but this is when you need support most. People like counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches, and friends will want to help you, so let them.
Don't rely on yourself alone to get out of the situation; the people who love and care about you can help you break away. It's important to know that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness — it actually shows that you have a lot of courage and are willing to stand up for yourself.
Where to Get Help
Child Pornography Tipline 1-800-843-5678
ChildhelpUSA Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD 1-800-422-4453
Foundation 2 319-362-2174
Iowa Concern Hotline 1-800-447-1985
Iowa Domestic Abuse Hotline 1-800-942-0333
Iowa Drug and Alcohol Helpline 1-866-242-4111
Iowa Sexual Abuse Hotline 1-800-284-7821
Iowa Statewide Poison Control Center 1-800-222-1222
Iowa Suicide and Crisis Hotlines
Iowa Teen Line 1-800-443-8336
Johnson County Crisis Center 319-351-0140
National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE 1-800-787-3224 TDD
MY SECRET LIFE - ABUSE Part 2
Signs That You Are Being Abused
Important warning signs that you may be involved in an abusive relationship include when someone:
- harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching
- tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say
- frequently humiliates you or making you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you)
- coerces or threatens to harm you if you leave the relationship
- twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions
- demands to know where you are at all times
- constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends
- Any type of unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. Phrases like "If you loved me, you would . . . " also should warn you of possible abuse. A statement like this is emotional blackmail used by people concerned about getting what they want. Trust your intuition. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't
Signs That a Friend Is Being Abused
In addition to the signs listed above, here are some signs of abuse to look for in a friend:
- unexplained bruises, broken bones, sprains, or marks
- excessive guilt or shame for no apparent reason
- secrecy or withdrawal from friends and family
- avoidance of school or social events with excuses that don't seem to make any sense
A person who is being abused needs someone to hear and believe him or her. Maybe your friend is afraid to tell a parent because that will bring pressure to make him or her end the relationship. People who are abused often feel like it's their fault — that they "asked for it" or that they don't deserve any better. But abuse is never deserved. You need to help your friend understand that it is not his or her fault. Your friend is not a bad person. The person who is being abusive is at fault and needs professional help.
A friend who is being abused needs your patience, love, and understanding. Your friend also needs your encouragement to get help immediately from an adult, such as a parent or guidance counselor. Most of all, your friend needs you to listen to him or her without judging. It takes a lot of courage to admit being abused; let your friend know that you're offering your full support.
MY SECRET LIFE - ABUSE Part 1
Abuse in families can take many forms. It may be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, or a combination of any or all of those. Everyone has heard the songs about how much love can hurt. But that doesn't mean physical harm: Someone who loves you should never abuse you. Healthy relationships involve respect, trust, and consideration for the other person.
Abuse can sometimes be mistaken for intense feelings of caring or concern. Sometimes abuse can even seem flattering; think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous. Maybe you've thought your friend's partner really cares about him or her. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship.
Physical abuse is often the most obvious form of abuse. It may be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, whipping, paddling, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or produce significant physical pain. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in romances, families and friendships.
Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and child or between a significantly older child and a younger child. If a person is abused by a member of his or her immediate family, this is called incest. It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want. This type of abuse can happen to anyone, anytime
Emotional abuse can be difficult to pin down because there are no physical signs to look for. Sure, people yell at each other, express anger, and call each other names sometimes, and expressing anger can sometimes be healthy. But emotional abuse generally occurs when the yelling and anger go too far or when a parent constantly belittles, threatens, or dismisses a child until the child's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. And just like physical abuse can cause physical scars, emotional abuse can bring about emotional damage.
Emotional abuse, like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others, can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too
Neglect is probably the hardest type of abuse to define. Neglect occurs when a child doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. But it's not neglect if a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone.
Bullying is a form of abusive behavior that may happen in a peer group - among people of any age. Bullying someone by intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others have often been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is still no excuse for abusing someone else.
Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation.
Abuse can sometimes be mistaken for intense feelings of caring or concern. Sometimes abuse can even seem flattering; think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous. Maybe you've thought your friend's partner really cares about him or her. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship.
Physical abuse is often the most obvious form of abuse. It may be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, whipping, paddling, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or produce significant physical pain. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in romances, families and friendships.
Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and child or between a significantly older child and a younger child. If a person is abused by a member of his or her immediate family, this is called incest. It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want. This type of abuse can happen to anyone, anytime
Emotional abuse can be difficult to pin down because there are no physical signs to look for. Sure, people yell at each other, express anger, and call each other names sometimes, and expressing anger can sometimes be healthy. But emotional abuse generally occurs when the yelling and anger go too far or when a parent constantly belittles, threatens, or dismisses a child until the child's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. And just like physical abuse can cause physical scars, emotional abuse can bring about emotional damage.
Emotional abuse, like teasing, bullying, and humiliating others, can be difficult to recognize because it doesn't leave any visible scars. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt — not just during the time it's happening, but long after too
Neglect is probably the hardest type of abuse to define. Neglect occurs when a child doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. But it's not neglect if a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone.
Bullying is a form of abusive behavior that may happen in a peer group - among people of any age. Bullying someone by intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others have often been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is still no excuse for abusing someone else.
Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation.
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